Stay
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: [Mirage of Blaze] Naoe can't sleep because he's thinking of -him-. But -he- can't sleep either...


A/N: I love Mirage of Blaze. I love it to absolute pieces. I've only seen the anime, but I've read up on the series and I very strongly wish that I understood Japanese because I'd love to read it...anyway, this is just something short and sweet that I couldn't resist writing, even if no one reads it. (Fics tend to get lost in the misc. anime section) I hope I managed to pinpoint their love/hate thing at least somewhat, although, like I said, I don't know enough about them...ah, how I'd love to learn more. For the purposes of this fic, they're all staying somewhere together; at least, Takaya and Naoe are. Probably takes place after the end of the anime.

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Stay

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Lying awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering why you're alive...

Wondering if the pain will ever go away, or if it will only get worse, and worse, until the release of death...

Wondering why you live again, and feel the pain again, endlessly...

Wondering why you willingly face that pain again, and again...

Knowing the answer, but when it hurts like this, you can't help but question...

And you wonder when this pain will ever stop.

There was a song playing in his mind. A song of his own creation, with words formed by the ache in his heart. An ache that he'd felt for a long, long time. An ache that refused to go away, even after so many years. An ache that only grew worse with every beat of that same heart.

An ache that consumed him.

It was hard for him to sleep at night. Hard for him to close his eyes, and calm his desperate need for long enough to actually rest. For so long, he'd been denied what he longed for, and for much longer, it would be the same. Oh yes, it was worth the endless pain just to be near him, but sometimes, that just wasn't enough. Sometimes, he needed more. Sometimes...he wanted it to end.

He wanted to escape, to run away and never look back; and yet, he knew he couldn't. There was no escape. He'd dug himself into a very deep hole, and there was no way out of it now. He was trapped, and there was only one person who could save him; the one person who could never forgive him. 

Naoe _hated_ Kagetora. Hated him with such an intense fiery passion that he loved him almost to death. In fact, he _would_ love him to death, if given the chance; but such a chance had never arisen, and he doubted if it ever would. That was the way their relationship had been, for so, so long...The way that their relationship would continue to be, until the end of time, it seemed.

"I hate him." Saying that out loud made him feel a little bitter, made him able to close his eyes and stop staring at the ceiling, although it could not block out the image of _his _face, the face that was always in his mind. A face that could not be forgotten, because it had been engraved into his memory over so many years...

"I love him." Saying that out loud made his eyes open once again, and resume staring at that ceiling, which seemed to be mocking him. _You'll never get to sleep tonight_, it seemed to say. 

How many nights had he spent like this? How many nights had he lost sleep this way? He knew the solution. Stop thinking about it.

Yet how could he stop thinking about it, when it was all he _could_ think about? It was his life. Kagetora-sama was the reason he was alive, the reason he kept coming back to life, the reason he existed...to protect Kagetora-sama, whom he loved. Whom he hated. Kagetora-sama...

"Naoe."

Kagetora-sama, who hated him; but also respected him, and sometimes, he dared even hope...

"Naoe."

...loved him...

"Naoe!"

Naoe realized that the voice calling his name was real, and not imagined. He sat up, and saw that Kagetora-sama was standing in the doorway of his room, with a sad look in his eyes.

"Kagetora-sama?"

"I couldn't sleep." He stepped into the room, and sat down at the edge of Naoe's bed.

Why had he come here? Seeking companionship, someone to talk to; someone who could chase the nightmares away, it seemed, but why Naoe? Maybe it was because he was still not completely Kagetora-sama. Some of Ougi Takaya remained in him...Takaya had not been completely cast out. Not yet. 

Or maybe he was here because he was slowly becoming more and more Kagetora-sama. Naoe had thought that there was none of Takaya left, for a short while -- but that personality had appeared again. Takaya, who seemed to want nothing more than to have someone be kind to him, and take care of him, while he struggled to seem independent...

Naoe was very fond of Takaya, almost too much so. He might even love the boy -- but that was probably because deep down, Takaya was really Kagetora-sama.

Naoe wanted to reach out and take the other man into his arms. Kagetora...Takaya...whoever it was...was unearthly beautiful tonight. No -- he was that beautiful every moment of every day, no matter what body he was in, but tonight...Naoe just wanted to hold him. Most of the time, Naoe wanted to possess him -- not in the literal sense, no, but he wanted to make Kagetora-sama _his._ Tonight, however, he just wanted to hold him.

Kagetora -- Takaya -- seemed to sense this, and he shuffled a little farther away. Naoe was unable to hold back a sigh.

"I don't know why I came here. I'm going back to bed." He made as if to leave, but Naoe caught his wrist and held him back. The beautiful eyes of his obsession gave him a startled glare.

"What are you doing?"

"Stay."

"I'm not going to --"

"No. Just...stay. We might both sleep better that way."

"Let me go!"

"Please, Kagetora-sama...let me hold you tonight." Naoe had been reduced to pleading. He hated it. Oh, how he hated it -- but he couldn't help it.

"My name is Takaya."

"Takaya-san. Please."

Takaya stopped resisting, and let Naoe pull him close. 

"I wanted someone to take care of me..."

"And I will," Naoe whispered. How he'd longed to feel this man against him! If only...

"You confuse me," Takaya said, frustration and fear evident in his voice. "You're not what I thought you were, and now that I'm starting to remember, I have all these...feelings...and...I know that I hate you, but I..."

"You confuse me just as much. More than I think you understand. Now go to sleep, Kage--Takaya-san."

Takaya fell asleep very quickly. Some part of him trusted Naoe that much. Trusted him not to try anything...Naoe didn't even trust himself that much. Here was Kagetora-sama, in his arms at last; here with him, in his bed, and...No. 

Naoe closed his eyes. No, he wouldn't make that kind of mistake ever again. At least, he hoped he would be able to control himself from now on; but Kagetora-sama would not make it any easier for him. 

Tonight, he would not do anything but hold the one he loved. The one he hated, more than anything.

I hate him.

The thought made his mind buzz with anger, and his eyes opened once again.

He needed sleep...

I love him.

His eyes closed, and he drifted off to sleep. Into a world where nothing makes sense, but was easier to face than reality.

__

Lying in your bed, with your arms around that important person,

Wondering if this moment can last forever;

Wondering if you'll ever feel this way again; 

Wondering why you don't want to let go, even though it hurts so much, too much...


End file.
